They're BAaack!
I got a little cocky back in mid-November and my guess is there are more than just humans reading this. I think I said some things like "GAME ON" and “I assure you, I will win” because I’m uber cool like that.
Well, guess who’s come back to play?
FLEAS is who.
The tiny little creatures have regrouped and returned for vengeance after I had my little seek-and-destroy party a month ago.
I was confident I had won the battle.
They’ve now returned with all their family and friends and if one or two survived my wrath the first time, they must‘ve procreated like hell and brought their young to help fight the battle. It’s like swatting at a bee - if you miss, you only succeeded in totally pissing them off.
They’re lined up in massive military rows like the Chinese army and they just stand there, perfectly still, staring at me and the cat. Naturally I would die defending my family so I place myself between the cat and the Chinese Flea Army because they don’t want me, they want the furry pet that’s not going to be drowning them in the shower every morning.
How this is even possible is beyond my comprehension. A month ago I basically moved out of my apartment, vacuumed for hours, sprayed everything left, doused the cat with Frontline Plus and had every piece of removable linen washed.
The cat never goes outside, there are no other pets here and I‘ve lived here for a couple of years with no problems.
What we need are scientists to figure out how to make these things larger and then send them off to fight our wars because they’re apparently INDESTRUCTABLE!
Well, guess who’s come back to play?
FLEAS is who.
The tiny little creatures have regrouped and returned for vengeance after I had my little seek-and-destroy party a month ago.
I was confident I had won the battle.
They’ve now returned with all their family and friends and if one or two survived my wrath the first time, they must‘ve procreated like hell and brought their young to help fight the battle. It’s like swatting at a bee - if you miss, you only succeeded in totally pissing them off.
They’re lined up in massive military rows like the Chinese army and they just stand there, perfectly still, staring at me and the cat. Naturally I would die defending my family so I place myself between the cat and the Chinese Flea Army because they don’t want me, they want the furry pet that’s not going to be drowning them in the shower every morning.
How this is even possible is beyond my comprehension. A month ago I basically moved out of my apartment, vacuumed for hours, sprayed everything left, doused the cat with Frontline Plus and had every piece of removable linen washed.
The cat never goes outside, there are no other pets here and I‘ve lived here for a couple of years with no problems.
What we need are scientists to figure out how to make these things larger and then send them off to fight our wars because they’re apparently INDESTRUCTABLE!
I admit I might’ve gone over the line in humiliating them when I said I should’ve skewered them on tiny little pins and made miniscule kabobs out of them. And perhaps photographing one of their relatives dieing on my duvet cover wasn’t the most professional journalistic move I’ve ever made. I get how that would piss off their family and friends but WHO KNEW they were reading me here?
I’ll find a way to leverage this and start charging them rent. If I can negotiate some kind of deal with their leader they’ll blindly follow with no questions asked because Chinese Military Fleas are scary like that.
For Christmas I’m going to give someone the empty cans of flea spray and the empty box of Frontline Plus and tell them I would’ve loved to have gotten them something but instead I had to spend ANOTHER SIXTY DOLLARS FIGHTING STUPID FLEAS!
Wish me luck.
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