Nether Regions and the Metro Male

I got the best call today-


“Hello?”

“Hi. I have to ask you something.”

“What?”

“Do you shave?”

“Of course I shave.”

“I mean, do you shave down there?”


This is the kind of important call I get while I’m building my empire. I’m working my fingers to the bone, sweating and slaving away. I’m on pins and needles about finances and I get a call about shaving the nether regions. And that’s why I love my friends.

They come with important questions for the Wise One and I’m happy to oblige.

I started wondering what men would think if they had to do all the grooming a typical woman does and then I remembered the Metro Man. Oh yes, and thank you to whoever started that trend.

The metro man is to have impeccable hair cuts, shave or wax any unnecessary hair, wear tailored classic suits, cashmere sweaters, fitted high quality t-shirts and designer jeans, subscribe to men’s magazines to stay on top of the latest fashions, wear expensive cologne, have good leather shoes that are always polished, carry a leather bag for the laptop and blackberry, and use good facial cleansers, toners and moisturizers. They also recommend getting manicures.

The man that’s more polished than his lady. Sounds like a winner to me and I’m already feeling crappy about myself. I can’t compete with a Metro Man. He’s too perfect, his skin is softer and his nails look better than mine.

Are they straight? I didn’t take the time to research that but my guess is half are, half are not. Maybe this is standard procedure for gay men. I don’t know.

Welcome to Unisex World where you’re not sure who should hold the door for whom. Your man takes longer than you do to get ready and fights you for the mirror. He asks to borrow foundation and looks better than you do when you’re done. And now we have to figure out how to respond to the question we’ve been asking for decades-

“Does this make me look fat?”

It’s all about equality and now we’re asking what the hell we’ve done.

In case you wanted to know the answer to the question, I have corn rows and I harvest every Fall.