I Speak Kat, not Cat

I’ve decided to take up catonese or catish or whatever it’s called when you try to talk cat.

There’s a woman that linked the sounds babies make, to what they wanted with a fair amount of success, so I figured I’d try the same thing with my cat, being the scientist that I am (not).

If you’ve tried mimicking your pet, you know that they get this blank look on their faces or act insulted even though you just uttered the exact same sound they made, which probably means while they’re rubbing up against your leg with their cute little faces, they’re telling you to piss off and go get more tuna. Now! And I guess it shouldn’t surprise us seeing as they’ve managed to maintain a life without a job and don’t have to pay taxes.

My cat makes the sound “Murr” when she’s being cuddly and loving so I thought that was safe. But when I repeat it back she has this look of, “You evil woman.” And I’m like, “What? YOU said it first!”

Sorry. I’m new at catonese. I know not what I say.

I’ll just go back to being your humble servant while you sleep all day. MURR!

Speaking of speaking cat-onese (or is it catish), I have this friend Kat who I visited with the other day at her new house. On the way, I called to clarify the directions.

“Hello?” Kat answered.

“Hey Kat. Was I supposed to take exit 123 or the exit before that?”

“Exit 123.” She replied.

“Ok, see you shortly.” I said.

“Ok, bye.”

The answer was so pure, and uncluttered. Seemingly short, but perfect in every way. How many times have you asked a simple question and it took 20 minutes to get an answer? Sweet brevity to my ears, was I delighted!

There was no wasting time telling me to turn where ol’ Johnny Dorkenheimer laid the seeds for his first rhubarb plant, no mention of landmarks I’ll never notice, just a simple answer to a simple question, and I like it that way.

I speak Kat!

I’m cloning her and making at least 5. I’ll call them K1, K2, K3, K4 and K5 and when I need an answer, I’ll get it.

(For the record, I’m not necessarily into cats, or one of those cat people. It’s all I have to work with right now so bare with me. Maybe in the summer I’ll go spend time on a farm, visit the zoo or travel with a circus.)