Laundry Voyeur
Being the winner that I am, I have to use the laundry mat. I like to go during a week day to keep the voyeurs at bay. I don’t like strangers watching me fold my laundry. It’s like spying, or reading my diary, or noticing that my socks are old and my waistline too big.
Anyone ever notice laundry mat customers are odd? My friend Bill runs one, maybe he has some advice for marking your territory. If I lived near him he could rope off an area for me, or have curtains to pull across. A VIP section or something.
This laundry mat is pretty nice and what I like is it’s divided up into sections instead of being long rows where everyone has to stand shoulder-to-shoulder hypnotized from watching tumbling clothes. The configuration is like a capital E. You’ve got room and anyone in your section should have their back to you. During this time of day there’s usually only a couple people in there and everyone spreads out giving each other space.
It was just me in there for a while today. I was getting my clothes out of the dryer when an elderly man, and then an older woman walk in and where do they go? Right there next to me. They have the whole place and can have their own section but they’re right next to me, in my personal space, my territory in laundry land.
I’m doing that thing in my head like, “C’mon people. Seriously.” I’m tucking my underwear under shirts and hiding my bras from the elderly gentleman. I figure they’ll load up the washers and probably go elsewhere. This laundry mat is in a strip mall so people will often shop while their clothes are being cleaned. But no. No. No. No. No. The man is standing 4 feet in front of me with his back to me watching his clothes go ‘round-and-‘round. I don’t know what he was doing. Maybe meditating. A laundry meditation for the cleanest clothes ever. I don’t know what to do with my unfolded underwear because he could turn around at any minute and it’d just be…weird, me holding up my underwear right in front of him, like a display. Of course he’s seen women’s underwear before, but he’s never seen mine. And I have to fold thongs and he might think I’m weird or loose or wild or something. I’d have to explain I’m not what he’s thinking, it’s not what it looks like, I just don’t like panty lines. But then I’d have said the word “panty” and that could be weird.
The woman loads her laundry into the washer and then, get this, she sits in a chair to the side of me just 4 feet away. She’s looking right at me. Watching. People! Please. Maybe I’m on candid camera. Maybe she’s on medication. We have the whole place and you really want to sit in that chair and watch me fold just about everything I own? I don’t even know you! The nerve.
The man walked away and went somewhere so he can go back on Santa’s list of good boys. The woman sat there the entire time being entertained by me folding thongs, wide-waisted-pants and D-cup bras. I was just waiting for her to offer to help me when I was folding my sheets. That would’ve been helpful, but she didn’t. Maybe it was my folding technique that inspired her constant gaze or maybe she thought I’d steal her dirty laundry since that’s something everyone wants.
Maybe I’ll see myself on some tv show and find out she was really an actor and the joke was on me.
Dear Santa,
Next year I’d like a washer and dryer for Christmas.
Thank you,
Micki Michelle
Anyone ever notice laundry mat customers are odd? My friend Bill runs one, maybe he has some advice for marking your territory. If I lived near him he could rope off an area for me, or have curtains to pull across. A VIP section or something.
This laundry mat is pretty nice and what I like is it’s divided up into sections instead of being long rows where everyone has to stand shoulder-to-shoulder hypnotized from watching tumbling clothes. The configuration is like a capital E. You’ve got room and anyone in your section should have their back to you. During this time of day there’s usually only a couple people in there and everyone spreads out giving each other space.
It was just me in there for a while today. I was getting my clothes out of the dryer when an elderly man, and then an older woman walk in and where do they go? Right there next to me. They have the whole place and can have their own section but they’re right next to me, in my personal space, my territory in laundry land.
I’m doing that thing in my head like, “C’mon people. Seriously.” I’m tucking my underwear under shirts and hiding my bras from the elderly gentleman. I figure they’ll load up the washers and probably go elsewhere. This laundry mat is in a strip mall so people will often shop while their clothes are being cleaned. But no. No. No. No. No. The man is standing 4 feet in front of me with his back to me watching his clothes go ‘round-and-‘round. I don’t know what he was doing. Maybe meditating. A laundry meditation for the cleanest clothes ever. I don’t know what to do with my unfolded underwear because he could turn around at any minute and it’d just be…weird, me holding up my underwear right in front of him, like a display. Of course he’s seen women’s underwear before, but he’s never seen mine. And I have to fold thongs and he might think I’m weird or loose or wild or something. I’d have to explain I’m not what he’s thinking, it’s not what it looks like, I just don’t like panty lines. But then I’d have said the word “panty” and that could be weird.
The woman loads her laundry into the washer and then, get this, she sits in a chair to the side of me just 4 feet away. She’s looking right at me. Watching. People! Please. Maybe I’m on candid camera. Maybe she’s on medication. We have the whole place and you really want to sit in that chair and watch me fold just about everything I own? I don’t even know you! The nerve.
The man walked away and went somewhere so he can go back on Santa’s list of good boys. The woman sat there the entire time being entertained by me folding thongs, wide-waisted-pants and D-cup bras. I was just waiting for her to offer to help me when I was folding my sheets. That would’ve been helpful, but she didn’t. Maybe it was my folding technique that inspired her constant gaze or maybe she thought I’d steal her dirty laundry since that’s something everyone wants.
Maybe I’ll see myself on some tv show and find out she was really an actor and the joke was on me.
Dear Santa,
Next year I’d like a washer and dryer for Christmas.
Thank you,
Micki Michelle
Comments
and why are you watching people in the laundrymat? you weirdo! those poor old people probably went home and talked on their blog about the loose thong wearing voyeur at the laundrymat!
the laundrymat is a great place to leave your old magazines and books that you dont want to throw away but dont have any more room for and dont want to make a trip to the salvation army drop box also. i love to take mine there and leave them, and then someone else can check them out before they get thrown away. someone always takes them home.