What’s in a Name?

I was thinking about Hollywood baby names and how weird they’ve gotten and why they do it. Apple, Moses, Bronx, Rumer, Tabooger, Tu Morrow, Story, Ever, Sage Moon Blood and there are a bunch more that I’m not even listing here. It just gets too weird.

Maybe they’re shunned if they use human names, like Ann or John, or thought of as too normal, too average. I dunno. All I know is these are the people the masses will blindly follow.

I think about these kids interviewing for jobs in the future-

“Thank you for coming Cloudy Pickle. My assistant Sofa Moonbeam is preparing the paperwork.”

“Thank you for inviting me Mr. Lampshade Stop Sign. I met earlier with Mr. Corner Office and he said…..”

Sigh.

And then there’s Penny. Why would you name your kid the lowest denomination of money? It’s like getting smacked upside the head right out of the Gate of Life. Cut the cord and make her cheap and worthless. If she falls on the street people won’t even pick her up. She’s not really worth anything anymore and people will put you away before taking you to the bank and trading you in for something more valuable. (I know Penny is the nickname for Penelope. Just play along, won’t you?.) If it were me, I’d at least go for Dollar. Or, and I’m surprised I haven’t seen this because it’s pretty good—Gold. Now you’re talking. And if your last name is Diamond you’ve just hit the jackpot in names. Gold Diamond.

Or how about Brassiere? That has a nice sophisticated sound to it and no one will know how to spell it.

I want to see something really good like naming a kid Panty Line, Hick Up or A Jacks. It’s coming.

Come to think of it, we did just have a bush and a dick in the white house and to think I missed out on all that material.